Withholding Informasian

A long time ago, I was in the produce section of a grocery store with my mom. Standing next to us was a very confused looking white lady in the “asian vegetables section”. After staring at the vegetables for a good while, she turned to my mother and asked if she knew anything about the vegetable she was holding in her hand.

White Lady: Excuse me. Do you know what this is?

Mom: Sorry, I don’t.

Soon after that, we were on our way and my mom whispers to me...

Mom: I knew what that was… tee hee

Me: Haha. Why didn’t you help that lady?

Mom: Well why does she have to ask ME??? She just ASSUMES I know what it is???

Me: But mom, you DID know what it was.

Mom: Ya well I don’t have time to explain things to people!

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-dunno-lol-_o

Learn to Speak FOB S'More

It's that time again! I first exposed you to the FOB language in my post entitled Learn to Speak FOB. I hope you've been practising because I have some more phrases for you to "tess" drive!

I have listed the phrases in english with the FOB translations given below in brown.

Let's Begin: English
                    FOB


We are going to the Easter Vigil.
We are going to the Easter Virgil.

Is that a dyson ball?
Is that a tyson ball?

My hair isn't black, it's brown
My hair isn't blown, it's brack

Doctors have to take the Hippocratic Oath
Doctors have to take the Autocratic Oath

This time it would be worse
This time it would be worst

I'll just make something nice and simple
I'll just make something nice and simpey

What kind of cake mix do you want? Super Moist?
What kind of cake mix do you want? Mois' and Simpo?

I gotta buy Por Por some So Nice soy milk.
I gotta buy Por Por some So Nicey soy milk.

Did you vote?
Did you foe?

I think I'm gonna stop over in Vancouver then head over to Tofino for a bit.
I think I'm gonna stop over in Fangcouver then head over to Torfino for a bit.

Was it a Toshiba?
Was it a Torshiba?

I like Tostitos.
I like Torstitos.

I have to look after the rug-rats.
I have to look after the rick-rats.

Did you hear that Brendan? We're DOOMED!
Did you hear that Brendan? We're DOOM!

I'm pooped!
I'm poop!

I was drifting in and out of sleep.
I was driffin' in and out of sleep.

I'm in a good mood.
I am a good mood.

Try some of this crab dip.
Try some of this crap dip.

Is the ice cream defrosted yet?
Is the ice cream de-frogged yet?

In Fort McMurray they are all Newfies on their way back to Newfoundland!
In Fort McMurray they are all Newfies on their way back to Newfie!


After today you should be be revelling in your mastery of FOB lingo!

Like Me!

I have started a facebook page for The FOBulous Mom. If you find Her Royal Fobbiness amusing, you should consider moseying on down to FB and "Liking" her page!

I've compiled a list of ten reasons why you may want to "Like" The FOBulous Mom:

1. You have a fobby parent
2. You like to read about fobs
3. You like to laugh
4. You like to laugh at fobs
5. You like chinese food
6. You are easily amused
7. You are related to me and should therefore feel obligated to support me
8. You enjoy mild racism
9. You have no idea what a fob is
10. You have body odour

Stay in-the-know with updates and new posts sent directly to your newsfeed! Don't delay! The FOBulous Mom is a click away!

http://www.facebook.com/TheFOBulousMom

Well Hello There!

This is a story from way back in 2006 when the Edmonton Oilers were in the Stanley Cup finals. My parents and my little brother were in future shop when they spotted star defenceman Chris Pronger. My brother was so excited to see such a huge hockey star, so my mom encouraged him to go over and talk to him.

Mom: Go up and say hello.

Brother: No way. I don't want to bother him!

Mom: What's the big deal? I'm going to go over and say hi.

Brother: No, mom! Don't!

But before my brother could stop her, she was already carting her 4'11'' self over to greet the 6'6" defenceman. My brother watched in horror as she walked right up to him and began to speak.

Mom: Well hello there Mr. Peca!

Brother: * mortified * WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING???

Pronger just looked at her, then walked away. She returned to where my dad and brother were safely observing in the distance.

Mom: Well he sure was rude!

Brother: MAYBE BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT HE WAS MIKE PECA!

Mom: That wasn't Mike Peca? Who the heck was he?

Yet another case of mistaken identity.... Sometimes I wonder if my mom was the reason he requested to be traded.

http://www.myalphabets.com/type-and-graphics/wood-type-revival.html

My Mom on Glee

Another show my mom is obsessed with is Glee. It's another one of those shows which she watches with her mouth partially open the whole time so she is ready to burst into song!

The other day, my sister decided to ask my mom which character she'd be.

Sister: Mom, if you were a character on Glee, who would you be?

Mom: I sure as hell wouldn't be that wheelchair kid!

Sister: Haha...would you be Tina?

Mom: Screw that! I want to be the star!





http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110918150850/glee/images/a/a1/461117-tina_cohen_chang.jpg


Sorry Tina.

Interview Advice

My little brother had an interview so our loving mother left him a note on the fridge:

If you can't read it, it says "Din Din. Good luck & Stay clam! Love Mom".

Moms always give the best advice.

R.I.P. Led Zeppelin

My little brother is a HUGE Led Zeppelin fan. Actually, to say that he is a huge fan would be an understatement. He bleeds ZoSo.

One day a long time ago, my well-intentioned, mal-informed mother burst into my little brother's room...

Mom: Did you hear? Robert Plant is DEAD!

Brother: WHAT???

Mom: Yes. He is dead. I heard it on the radio.

Brother: I can't believe it *devastated*

My brother immediately goes on the computer to start investigating the deets:

Brother: What the hell? There is no news on his death yet. You'd think there would be more media coverage since he was in Led Zeppelin.

Mom: Led Zeppelin? He wasn't in Led Zeppelin.

Brother: What??? What are you talking about???

Mom: Robert Palmer wasn't in Led Zeppelin.

Brother: OH MY GOD! YOU SAID ROBERT PLANT DIED, NOT ROBERT PALMER!

Mom: No I didn't.

Brother: OMG YOU ARE SO STUPID!!!!!! *storms off*

Mom: What's his problem?

My mom has many issues with mistaken identity.