FOB Mom Discovers Wikipedia

The day my mom discovered Wikipedia was a delightful day indeed.

I was sitting next to her on the couch as she was surfing on my sister's laptop. I briefly glanced over at the screen and noticed that she was on Wikipedia.

At the time, I was trying to watch TV but all I could hear was "Oooooh.... Oh yum! Oooooh yummy! Oh that's my favourite.... Oooooh yes those are nice..... Mmmmmm.... Ooooh yummy yummy! They have everything on here!"

And what, pray tell, was she reading about? Well I looked a little closer, and saw that she was scrolling around Wikipedia reading about all different types of noodles!

Mom, you never cease to amaze me.

Accurately Racist Wallet

This wallet pretty much exemplifies how fobs feel about gifts from their children:

After a lifetime of conditioning, I've come to the understanding that my gift offerings are futile. Despite this, year after year my siblings and I invariably end up buying our mother a present expecting a different reaction each time.

The only thing we've figured out in the past 20 some odd years is that my mom will always appreciate slippers no matter how many pairs she's already hoarded.

Plumbing Supplies

We needed to fix a leaky shower head at my parents' house so my mom ran down to the basement to retrieve her collection of plumbing supplies. While sifting through the lovingly packaged bits and pieces, it was evident that they weren't going to be of any use to us.

I've underlined some key words in red:

Hey, you never know when you'll need crusty old plumbing supplies to pull off a MacGruber-like rescue!

I'm Sexy and I Know It

While driving in the car the LMFAO song "I'm Sexy and I Know it" came onto the radio. Right after the lyric "I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it", my mom turned to my sister and asked:

Mom: Did he just say he's got a rash in his pants?!?

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/05/6-year-old-sings-im-sexy-and-i-know-it-and-gets-suspended-for-sexual-harassment/

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle YEAH!

I Feel Dizzaaay!

This video has nothing to do with fobs but it's hilarious!




Thanks Steve!

E-mail from Alcatraz

There are so many things wrong with this e-mail my siblings and I received from my mother while she was in California on vacation.

Let's just dive right in, shall we?

I'm pretty sure the subject was supposed to be Manulife... don't ask me why.

I could be mistaken, but I think "Alcartz" must be the UBER UBER secure and top secret version of "Alcatraz" because I sure haven't heard of it.

Oh, and I'm also fairly confident than my mom HAD a big day...

The lack of punctuation really isn't helping here.

Classic fob!

Organize Your Junk!

In today's post I'm going to use my fob skillz to help you ORGANIZE YOUR JUNK!

Despite my very best efforts, I can't help but exhibit certain fob-traits which I have no doubt inherited from my mother. One of my bad fobby habits is how I compulsively collect those darn paper shopping bags! Now, I definitely would not consider myself to be a hoarder, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to throw those suckers into the trash!

Luckily for me, I've recently discovered that I can put my hoarded shopping bags to good use! With a few snips, my shopping bags go from collecting dust in the closet to corralling junk under my sink in seconds!

First what you do is fold your paper bag and line up your scissors with the bottom edge for a straight cut:

 Then you cut off the top like so:

Then you marvel at the endless possibilities for storing your cr@p!

And finally, you insert your junk and weep over the realization that you've turned out just like your crazy parents:

And that's how it's done, folks.