The Library Fiasco

My sister needed a ride home from the library one day, but instead of taking public transit my mom insisted on picking her up on the way home from work. I guess my mom ran into a little bit of trouble in the parking lot once she got there.

Mom: I think something is wrong with the tire. Check the back wheels.

Sister: It looks like you have a flat tire.

Mom: WHY DIDN'T YOU GET YOUR STUPID BROTHER TO PICK YOU UP FROM THE LIBRARY!?!?!

Sister: What happened???

Mom: I RAN OVER A CURB, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!

Sister: I didn't know you were going to get a flat tire!

Mom: WHERE IS YOUR STUPID BROTHER?!!?!?!?

http://tareqalmansoori.blogspot.ca/2010/09/how-to-change-flat-tire-you-must-have.html

FOB Mom Discovers Wikipedia

The day my mom discovered Wikipedia was a delightful day indeed.

I was sitting next to her on the couch as she was surfing on my sister's laptop. I briefly glanced over at the screen and noticed that she was on Wikipedia.

At the time, I was trying to watch TV but all I could hear was "Oooooh.... Oh yum! Oooooh yummy! Oh that's my favourite.... Oooooh yes those are nice..... Mmmmmm.... Ooooh yummy yummy! They have everything on here!"

And what, pray tell, was she reading about? Well I looked a little closer, and saw that she was scrolling around Wikipedia reading about all different types of noodles!

Mom, you never cease to amaze me.

Accurately Racist Wallet

This wallet pretty much exemplifies how fobs feel about gifts from their children:

After a lifetime of conditioning, I've come to the understanding that my gift offerings are futile. Despite this, year after year my siblings and I invariably end up buying our mother a present expecting a different reaction each time.

The only thing we've figured out in the past 20 some odd years is that my mom will always appreciate slippers no matter how many pairs she's already hoarded.

Plumbing Supplies

We needed to fix a leaky shower head at my parents' house so my mom ran down to the basement to retrieve her collection of plumbing supplies. While sifting through the lovingly packaged bits and pieces, it was evident that they weren't going to be of any use to us.

I've underlined some key words in red:

Hey, you never know when you'll need crusty old plumbing supplies to pull off a MacGruber-like rescue!

I'm Sexy and I Know It

While driving in the car the LMFAO song "I'm Sexy and I Know it" came onto the radio. Right after the lyric "I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it", my mom turned to my sister and asked:

Mom: Did he just say he's got a rash in his pants?!?

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/05/6-year-old-sings-im-sexy-and-i-know-it-and-gets-suspended-for-sexual-harassment/

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle YEAH!

I Feel Dizzaaay!

This video has nothing to do with fobs but it's hilarious!




Thanks Steve!

E-mail from Alcatraz

There are so many things wrong with this e-mail my siblings and I received from my mother while she was in California on vacation.

Let's just dive right in, shall we?

I'm pretty sure the subject was supposed to be Manulife... don't ask me why.

I could be mistaken, but I think "Alcartz" must be the UBER UBER secure and top secret version of "Alcatraz" because I sure haven't heard of it.

Oh, and I'm also fairly confident than my mom HAD a big day...

The lack of punctuation really isn't helping here.

Classic fob!