It Was Probably YOU

My mom likes to blame people for stuff they didn't do. It's quite funny because not only does she blame people for stuff they didn't do, but she blames them for stuff that SHE, in fact, did. For example, if she leaves her phone in the car, she will blame you for sending her the text message which resulted in her leaving the phone in the cup holder. Or if she walks in to the room and sees you there, she will blame you for making her forget what she was looking for in the first place. Or if she drops something she will blame you for standing too close to her. You get the idea.

Another thing about my mom is whenever she knows I'm coming over, she's always waiting right there at the door for me. Heck, even when she doesn't know I'm coming she's always waiting at the door for me.

Anyways...

One day when I was going to my parents' house for dinner, I waltzed up the front porch and to my surprise, my mom wasn't standing there behind the screen door. Strange. So I went to turn the door-knob which I thought had certainly been unlocked in anticipation of my arrival. I was shocked to find that it was still locked. Curious. So I go ahead and ring the door bell, and immediately I hear my mom start yelling and screaming inside the house.

Again to my surprise, my sister, not my mom, answers the door. Behind her I can see my mom in the dining room wiping her chair with a damp rag.

Me: What's going on? Why is mom screaming?

Sister: She's freaking out. When she heard the doorbell ring she was like "WHO THE EFF LOCKED THE DOOR?!" And she spilled her wine all over the dining room chair. Then she was like "SOMEBODY ANSWER THE EFFING DOOR!"

Mom: Well I unlocked the door and then some IDIOT mus've locked it!!!!

Dad: Then she spilled her wine all over the chair.

Mom: IT WAS PROBABLY YOU DAVID! YOU'RE ALWAYS LOCKING THINGS, YOU CRAZY OLD MAN!

Sister: Then she was going on about "WHOEVER LOCK THAT DAMN DOOR MADE ME SPILL EVERYWHERE!"