Come Pee on My Pee

As you may already know, many fobs out there have a tough time throwing anything away. My mother is no exception. Not wanting to be wasteful, she tries to incorporate hoarding and conservation into her day-to-day life.

One beautiful summer's day, my parents were returning home from running errands. As they were pulling into our crescent, my dad spotted our neighbours outside. After he pulled onto the driveway, he got out of the car and walked over to say "hello". My mom, on the other hand, got out of the car and ran into the house.

A few minutes into the neighbourly chat, my mom stuck her head out from the garage and proceeded to yell "DAAAAVID! DAAAAAVID! COME PEE ON MY PEE!"

Shocked, my dad turned to the neighbours and said "Uh.... I gotta go now, bye", and hurried back into the house.

Why my mother couldn't wait to flush the toilet... no one will ever know.

http://chosen129.org/2012/06/im-so-embarrassed.html

Let Us Out!

This is a tale of a family vacation gone WRONG.

This past winter, my parents and siblings went on a family vacay to Florida to visit family and go to Disney World. I didn't go because I was smart enough to opt out of this disaster-in-the-making. In fact, the last family holiday I participated in was when I was twelve! Wow... I must've been a fast learner! My intellectually inferior siblings, however, were really looking forward to getting away and seeing some sites.

One of the days they were there, it was decided that my dad and brother were going to walk on the beach while my mom and sister did some shopping. They pulled up to the beach in their rental Jetta where my dad and brother quickly hopped out, but my sister and mother were still in the car collecting their things.

My dad likes to do this thing where he locks the car door if he thinks you're dilly dallying. It's his grumpy old way to protest such flagrant dillery and dallery. We are all very familiar with this grumpy behaviour, and you would think that my mom would know this all too well having been married to the guy for 26 years.

However, mere milliseconds after hearing the car doors *click* my mom began freaking out and pounding on the windows yelling "LET US OUT!!!!!!! LET US OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!"

Obviously the simple solution of unlocking the doors eluded her.

In utter shock, my sister could not help but watch as my mother quickly caught the attention of passersby walking along the beach. I don't really know what they would've made of a tiny asian lady clawing for her life inside a shiny new Jetta.

While trying to hide her face, my sister saw my dad approaching out of the corner of her eye. Surely our beloved mother would "clam" down since her captor was returning to release her from her vehicular confinement. But against all rational though, she instead proceeded to yell at my dad in front of the crowd of people now gathered around the car. "WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING??!?!?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US??!!?!? YOU WERE GONNA SUFFOCATE US!!!!!!!!!"

I guess when my mom was freed the thought never occurred to her that she should probably be slightly embarrassed that she didn't think to unlock the door and let herself out. No… it just made more sense to rage in public.

At that moment, my little brother knew full-well that it was not going to be a good day, so he just kept on a-walkin' down the street to make sure he wasn't seen with our dysfunctional family unit.

Embarrassment is a common theme in mine and my siblings’ lives, but it’s all worth it in the end. Especially when we can make fun of our mom for getting locked in a car, and fighting desperately to save her and her daughter from imminent doom!

http://tomandemma.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/trapped/nightmare-on-elm-street-car-small/