At the first store we visited, I saw a cute one that looked about my size, so I pulled it down to look at the tag. Normally I'm a small, so I was a bit surprised to see that it was an extra-large. I figured it was just a child size so I asked the lady at the store if I could try it on.
I was directed to the change room, which was basically a herb pantry, and began to pull the dress over my head. As I'm pulling the dress down, it would not even remotely entertain the idea of making it's way over my shoulders, so I popped it off before getting stuck and went back into the store.
The sales lady gave me another dress and I took a look at the tag. XXL this time! I went back into the herb pantry and decided to step into the dress, which is typically not a problem for me as I have the lower body of a 13 year old boy. I managed to get the dress up to the bottom of my butt, but the darn thing would not budge from there. By this time, I was thoroughly perplexed, but I stepped out of the dress and I threw it over my head for round two. When the dress hit the top of my hips I couldn't pull it any farther. By THIS time I was feeling a little bit less like a 13 year old boy, and a bit more like Kim Kardashian.
Defeated, I headed back into the store where the sales lady handed me yet another XXL of a different style. I tried it on like the other two, but this time I was actually able to get it over my huge ass!
I walked out into the store so my mom and the sales lady could have a look. Immediately, the sales lady began laughing as she pointed to my butt to proclaim that my "pet pet" was too big. All the while my mom was standing there with her arms crossed agreeing with her: "hai la hai la". They began spinning me around and discussing all the ways they could alter the dress to make my butt and boobs look smaller so I wouldn't look so fat.
In my mind, I was just imagining being in a dress store at the mall. What if I was fully white, the sales lady was white, and my mom was white? What if I was buying a dress for prom and the sales lady was like "Oh, dear. Your daughter's ass is just WAY too big for that dress. Let me just see if I can't make her look less fat than the fat mess she is!" "Oh yes, please do. See what can be done to accommodate my daughters huge ass and rolls. Thanks."
The Chinese kid inside of me was all too familiar with this scene, but the white kid in me could not help but appreciate the hilarity of the little Chinese fingers stabbing away at my big pet pet.
Only in Chinatown...
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