T.A.S.

My mom, like many fob mothers out there, suffers from an affliction known in the medical community as TAS or "Tiny Asian Syndrome". As of now, there is no known cure for TAS, and doctors have only recently been able to understand and diagnose it. However, new research has been shining some light onto the previously unknown condition. Below is a list of characteristics used to diagnose patients with TAS:

• Subject weighs no more than 100 lbs
• Wears shoes with thick soles to increase height
• Has a tiny back-pack or sling purse to appear relatively larger
• Uses a change purse to carry coins and rolled up bills due to overcrowded wallet
• Only understands shame in the context of their children embarrassing them, not the other way around.
• Wears glasses/uses clip-ons
• Wears a vest all year round for reasons unknown to humanity
• Speaks loudly and has no indoor-voice
• Has long, stabby nails

As stated previously, the distinguishing vest continues to perplex scientists around the world. There is some speculation that fobs suffering from TAS have cold bodies and hot arms, but this has yet to be substantiated through research.

If you would like more information on TAS, please call the TAS hotline at 1-800-YOU-RTINY.

Pictured above is a subject with full-blown T.A.S.