Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Nicknames Galore!

Nicknames are a huge staple in my household. We are rarely addressed by our given names when mommy dearest is at the helm of the conversation. I don't think this is necessarily a "fobby" behaviour as it is just my mom being her weird self.

When it comes to nicknames, my mom doesn't so much concern herself with the cleverness or quality of the nickname, but rather the quantity. She is quite prolific.

A good portion of the time, my mom just spews out a new nickname that no one's ever heard before, yet somehow we always know who she's talking to. Typically anything that starts with a B, G, H and M is a nickname for my sister, and anything that starts with a B, D, F, P, S, T and W is a nickname for my brother. Even though my brother and sister both share the letter B we can almost always distininguish which nickname belongs to who.

Anyways, for your reading pleasures here is a condensed (yes condensed) summary of the more common names we hear around my house:

Little Brother Little Sister Me My Father
Baboon Boger Devil Chil' Ol' man
Baboonski Boger Noger Tud
Bean Counting Ben Buji

Beep Bop Buji Wuji

Ben Go Go

Billy Goo Goo

Billy Bee Gugalucki

Boon Guganucki

Din Din Ho Ho

Ding Dong Ho Ho Nuck Nuck

Dinsey Ho Ho Ro Ro

Fi fi Mega Goo

Fila Lila  Mo Mo

Fila Lila Jing Jong

Fila Lila Jing Jong Sing Song

Fila Lila Loonski

Pi pa

Pi pa poon


Sing sing

Sing song

Tin Tin


Wiggle Wam

Wing Wam

I think it's worth noting the uneven distribution of nicknames across family members. I have a theory that the number of nicknames you have is in direct correlation with how much my mom loves you. Further study is required...

Friday, 15 February 2013

The British Accent

The other day my mom left me a message on my answering machine but she was speaking with a British accent.

I've always known that her British accent was terrible, but I'd never realized until then that when she does it she just sounds extremely drunk.

Random thought for your Friday... Happy Family Day long weekend to my fellow Albertans!

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

The Year of the Snake

In keeping with Chinese tradition, this year my family and I rung in the Lunar New Year by having a huge family argument.

To set the scene, my mother was nagging my little brother to no end for chronically being absent for household chores and commitments, which she had reason to do. However, instead of trying to articulate the source of her perturbation, my mommy dearest thought it would be far more productive just to go around in circles saying every little thing that irritated her about my brother i.e. "Why are you so stupid!"

Having fob in my DNA I'm not one to shy away from an argument so I decided to act as the impartial third party to mediate as best as I could. Still, after a solid hour of arguing I got fed up with entertaining my mom's fob-rage.

In a final act of indifference I said (sarcastically) "Well if you're irritated with Brendan then why don't you just make up random rules for no reason?" To which she "replied I DID make up random rules for no reason but obviously that's not working!"


POST UPDATE: My mom called me yesterday to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day then she said "You made me so angry on Chinese New Year! You were so bad that I didn't want to give you any hugs!"

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

The Burger King Rant

It's been a while. I should probably post something!

My mom used to work at Burger King WAAAY back in her teenage years, and every now and again my sister and I will ask about her Burger King days to get her reminiscing. We don't ask because we're particularly interested or anything. We bring it up because, without fail, she goes on this impassioned rant about all the free burgers she ate.

Anyways here is just your general run down of my mom's un-interruptable Burger King Rant:

"Free food? You bet I had free food! I ate a chicken burger everyday with a BIG chocolate shake! And I didn't even need to order off the menu. I made it MY special way! Back then it was all free for the Burger King employees. Probably not anymore. I could have eaten anything I wanted. The best part of that job was definitely the free food. Yeah I had to wear a uniform, but the burgers were free and mommy loved the milkshakes! I am surprise I didn't gain a lot of weight from all the free food but I was a teenager. It was soooo yummy... free food is the bess! Gong gong and por por were happy I got free food."

Gotta love the visual of my mother in a 1970s Burger King uniform.