Thursday, 27 September 2012

Timberlink and Sanders

This post requires no context:

"Is that Justin Timberlink and Andy Sanders?"

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

How the Tables Have Turned

Last night when I was over at my parents' house for dinner, my fob mother finally got the chance to be on the delivering end of a ridiculing story.

As my mom was about to tell us all what had unfolded earlier that day, my sister interrupted her to say "I just want you all to know that I was over-due for a blonde moment".

So apparently when my mom and sister were in the car my mom pointed out the newly constructed Humane Society as they were driving by. My sister was confused as to why she should take interest so she asked my mom "and why do I care?"

My mom just continued to say that it was a brand new facility and it just got finished being built etc. So my sister then asked "So what? Do the homeless people like it there or something?"

Oh simple little sissy. My mom always enjoys the moments where she can dole out the mockery as opposed to the other way around.

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Where are u?

My fobby mom can be quite the annoying little lady. One of her evermore irritating habits is asking "Where are u?"

Not only does she ask me ALL THE FREAKING TIME, but she always has a subsequent question which, more often than not, has nothing to do with where I am.

For example, she will ask me "where are u?" and I will say "I'm at home" and then she will say "Are you free for dinner next week?"

I think her obsession over the whereabouts of her children stems from a fob mother's constant fear that her children are hanging out with drug dealers and/or rapists.

 Sometimes I can't help but snap after a while

 ...and sometimes I just ignore her.

 I swear my first words as a baby must've been "Where are u?"

Friday, 21 September 2012

Miew Dat Shit!

My friend Alex was in a promotional ad for NAIT which is a technical school for those of you who don't know. Anyways, my mom always yells at us when we don't immediately mute TV commercials as soon as they come on. Typically when we forget to mute them she reminds us by screaming "MIEW DAT SHIT!" which, when translated to English means "mute that shit".

One day, however, when Alex's commercial popped onto the screen my mom was like "HEY UNMIEW DAT SHIT! I WANNA SEE ALEX!!!!!"

To have my mom unmute the TV mid-commercial was unheard of before that day. Alex should consider that to be a compliment on the highest order! My mom even sat quietly for the entire 30 seconds!

It was a big day.

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Sometimes My Cousin is a Fob

As a fob, one must uphold a certain level of function over form. For example, a fob would definitely be more concerned about staying warm over worrying whether her over-sized jacket matches her slip-on hiking shoes.

Fact is, fobs don't care if you judge them for their weird behaviour or questionable fashion decisions so long as they're keeping it practical!

My cousin, whom I will call "Jamie" was having troubles with her iPhone shortly after she bought it. When she tried to have a phone conversation, whoever she was talking to couldn't hear her even though she could hear them perfectly fine. Baffled, she took her phone to the Apple store.

There they asked her if she had her volume turned all the way up. She said she did. A few pensive moments later the sales associate realized the issue and proceeded to peel off the temporary plastic screen protector which was covering the receiver. Way to keep it real, Jamie!

If you've ever entered a fob habitat, you've probably noticed the protective plastic covers on all the screens and shiny surfaces. I myself am very guilty of this. Heck, here is a picture of my phone so you can see for yourself. Mine even has a tab on the side for easy removal... like that's ever gonna happen!

And it doesn't matter if the plastic starts to get dirt and dust under it's upturned edges! It's still good!

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

My Mom on Honey Boo Boo

Below is my mom's reaction to a promotional clip she saw on TV for the show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TLC:

"What the frick??? That thing is huge!!!!"

My mom can be a bit judgmental at times.

Friday, 14 September 2012

Baby Bok Choy!

I'll be keeping it light and non-funny for this Friday post. Below is a picture of an adorable little bok choy I that I purchased from the grocery store.

It was so tiny and adorable that I decided to take a picture before eating it.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Little Blue Riding Hood

Here is a picture of my fobby mom using her hoodie to help dry her pulled-back hair. Notice the wet patch at the back where her ponytail is making contact. She greeted me a the door dressed like this.

I think it's also worth mentioning that she bought that hoodie from gap kids.

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Take the Money and Run

My mom calls me...

Mom: I wonder when your little brother's first paycheck will come in.

Me: What does he care? He lives at home.

Mom: I care!

Me: Why?

Mom: Cause I wan' his money! Money and run!

You might think she was joking about taking his money... but sadly she was being totally serious.

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Come Pee on My Pee

As you may already know, many fobs out there have a tough time throwing anything away. My mother is no exception. Not wanting to be wasteful, she tries to incorporate hoarding and conservation into her day-to-day life.

One beautiful summer's day, my parents were returning home from running errands. As they were pulling into our crescent, my dad spotted our neighbours outside. After he pulled onto the driveway, he got out of the car and walked over to say "hello". My mom, on the other hand, got out of the car and ran into the house.

A few minutes into the neighbourly chat, my mom stuck her head out from the garage and proceeded to yell "DAAAAVID! DAAAAAVID! COME PEE ON MY PEE!"

Shocked, my dad turned to the neighbours and said "Uh.... I gotta go now, bye", and hurried back into the house.

Why my mother couldn't wait to flush the toilet... no one will ever know.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

I'm Back!

I am happy to report that I am back from a little vacay in San Fran. I will be resuming my normal duties as a foblogger in short order.